Life, Jim, But Not As We Know It

I’d like to see a UFO,
Not later, but right now;
And watch it as its ghastly arms
Abduct a munching cow.

Those tentacles will issue forth
From ‘neath the hov’ring saucer;
And give the cow a tale as real
As any found in Chaucer.

The green men will attach their probes,
And prod each orifice;
And test the cow’s reactions
To ensure no artifice.

The cow may well discharge cowpats,
And “Moooo!” as if in fright
(Or maybe to complain about
The lack of grass in flight.)

And on the ground I’ll sit and wait
For Daisy to return;
Or for the pat-smeared swirling disc
To quickly crash and burn.

Across the fields a radar man
Will monitor events;
While accessing his online bank
To count his pounds and pence.

For now his job is under threat
Because of budget cuts;
And not even the RAF
Can pay for high-priced butts.

Perhaps the cow will be called up
To ‘man’ the radar station
(That’s if the bovine close encounter
Sparks some conversation.)

The air force brass might be impressed
With what the cow’s been through;
And Daisy’s newfound aptitude
For adding two plus two.

The cow could play a crucial role
In UFO detection;
But never make the evening news
Thanks to data protection.

The aliens will return to Zog;
(They'll leave us - that was that)
To spend the next three light years
Probing one distinct cowpat.

And me? I’ll always scan the skies
From railway, car or bus;
While pitying the farmyard beasts -
Hoping it’s them, not us.